Everyone has a story, whether good or bad.

 

The innocence of a child....

Everyone has a story, whether good or bad.

by Glenn Starkey

 

I was prepared to write about the mental exhaustion we feel from months of constant editing, proofing, and preparing our books for print or e-book publication, but a Facebook posting I read this evening abruptly changed my thoughts.

In brief, the posting was from a young man, 19 years old, asking whether it was wrong to carry such dislike toward his father for neglecting him through the years, leaving his mother, their family, and starting another family—and still seemingly ignoring him. A reply from his sister, one year older, came immediately, echoing the same emotions toward their father, only with stronger animosity. Knowing them I felt a deep hurt because of their pains, yet realized regardless of what replies they received, only the passage of time could heal their wounds, if ever.

Unfortunately, divorces occur in families, and all too often leaves everyone bitter, resentful, and scarred—especially when children are involved. In Vietnam I witnessed the effects of war upon families. As a police officer on the streets I responded to more violent family disturbances than I wish to remember. My wife works for a law firm that handles divorces. Each evening I see how disturbed she is when children have been swept up in parental battles.

There are no perfect families. Everyone has a story, whether good or bad, that can be told about their families. All too often though, many of the stories range from alcoholism and physical abuse to abandonment and worse. Those events have a long lasting impact on children that is often not discovered for years then becomes one source of adult life problems.

I’m not a psychologist or a licensed therapist, but I once heard of a method for helping someone who silently carries such hurt from their youth: write it all in a journal and then burn it.

If truth were known, every author has placed a piece of themselves in their novels. I know I do, and it’s done without intention. But baring your heart in a private journal, writing every vile thought and memory you’ve held secret and captive within, and when complete, burning the book, works to some degree to cleanse the soul. It is the statement and release of those inner demons which is most important.

Of all things though, we as adults, as parents, should always remember that our children must be protected and feel loved by us. We are responsible for nurturing their overall mental development and confidence that will carry them through their lives.

There are enough hardships and obstacles in life without carrying additional baggage from our past.  We cannot undo the past, but we do have control of the future—and the future is today.

When the last sands of my hourglass are about to fall, I hope my son will have a good story to write about his lifetime with me.

How do you feel?

Regards,

Glenn

@GStarkeyBooks

photo credit: Jake Starkey

8 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. I love the part about write it in a journal and burn it. It can be very freeing.
    Great read!

      • Glenn on November 23, 2011 at 7:38 pm
        Author
      • Reply

      Thank you, Danielle… Appreciate your comments! Best wishes… Glenn

  2. All too often people hold resentment toward their children for something their spouse did. Children are found guilty by association. Sad as that may be. I wish everyone who ever separates or goes through a divorce with children could read this. Maybe they’d act differently, maybe they wouldn’t, but some people don’t realize how they’re acting until you show it to them. Maybe that’s why you’ve been so impacted by these too suffering children, so much so you wrote about it, because you’re meant to bring light to their parents? Think about it.

    Great post.

      • Glenn on November 23, 2011 at 8:14 am
        Author
      • Reply

      Thank you for your kind words, Krysta! You are most gracious. I was bothered by that scenario when I wrote the article. It’s unfortunate how so many children will grow to adulthood harboring ill-feelings which in some form they may pass along to others.

      I wish you all the best, and thank you for stopping by to read my blog articles.

  3. While this is somewhat of a sad comment on the state of the family, it is dead-on that we all have a story. And, you are so correct in your assertion that writers often use their works to heal their own pasts.

      • Glenn on October 25, 2011 at 8:57 am
        Author
      • Reply

      Thank you, Vickie, for your review. It is sad to realize so many children these days now come from divorced homes, but with understanding parents who nurture and love their children, there is always hope the future will be positive in their adulthood.
      All the best to you.
      Regards, Glenn

  4. What a wonderful article. I agree with the method you suggest of writing everything down and then burning it. This can have such a therapeutic impact on someone’s mind. It is sad to see the deterioration of today’s families, children need to be cherished, nurtured, and surrounded by a loving family. Unfortunately, quality family time is something a lot of kids don’t get much of in today’s hectic world.

      • Glenn on October 17, 2011 at 8:51 am
        Author
      • Reply

      Thank you for your comments. I realize divorce is often necessary in many cases, and this certainly is not a pro/con writing of it… but its impact upon children – as well as other events in a child’s life – have such lasting impacts upon a person that often an adult doesn’t realize where the source of their present day problems originated. Again, thanks for stopping in to read the article. Regards, Glenn

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.